Imposter Syndrome Unmasked
We’ve all been there. Preparing to lead a meeting or presentation, meet with that new client or starting the interview, and the thought goes through our head, “what the hell am I doing?”. The insidious voices from the depths of our insecurity tell us that we are unprepared, inadequate, incapable and about to fail. We try to push the thoughts away and “fake it ‘til we make it”, but the echoes of perceived shortcoming ring in our minds, unable to validate our best efforts.
Imposter Syndrome. The feeling and belief that our successes are not inherently tied to our determination, skill or intelligence; rather some stroke of luck or universal oversight has landed us in our current position. That we don’t really know what we are doing or deserve to be where we are, that we are essentially a fraud masquerading as a successful professional. This does not discriminate, as well known politicians, authors, actors and executives have all disclosed struggling with these thoughts and feelings. Recent research has posited 20-30% of high achieving adults have this experience. And unfortunately, this experience disproportionately impacts women and people of color.
Research has often conceptualized this challenge as solely emanating from within, however I disagree. I believe it is both rooted in our anxieties about “belonging” and achievement, and it is related to external pressures and internalized negative perceptions of self because we have not often seen people that look like us in our positions. We want to excel, yet we have been made to feel we don’t belong for generations, and we can’t help but bear that doubt’s burden. Without consistent reference points, our minds often gravitate toward uncertainty.
So it begs the question, how do we overcome this urge to question and discredit ourselves? Honestly, I don’t think we fully can. At least not in the short term. I don’t mean that to be discouraging, rather to emphasize the need to embrace the dialectic. Living mindfully is much more about the practice of observing our emotions rather than limiting or judging them. We can lean into embracing the fears and we can learn to master listening to them more closely. Our emotions are educators, they serve a function; and our wisest self can then learn to comfort those uncertainties with facts about our competencies. We can then become our biggest cheerleaders or at least give the permission to express those worries to trusted colleagues who can help us remember our successes and esteem.
And, sometimes the voices have a kernel of truth. Every time I meet with a new client, I feel a sense of anxiety about if I’ll be able to help them, if I’ll know enough about their particular struggle or if I’ll fail their requests for support. I wrestle with this enough to use it as motivation to focus and engage in the moment. The truth is we will all make mistakes and fall short in some way, and this is absolutely necessary to build mastery of any skill. When we accept fallibility, we can relinquish the expectation of perfection and move away from self-judgement. And this openness allows us to also more confidently affirm our capabilities and fully participate in any given experience.
Below are a few tips in working through these thoughts and feelings when they arise.
1. Be candid and honest about what you are feeling. Being open about these thoughts with trusted confidants helps to normalize the feelings.
2. Push away or distract from the self-doubt thoughts if they are persistent. Redirect into preparation for your task or invest time in an outlet that is relaxing or calming.
3. Reframe or reinterpret the thoughts with a more constructive perspective. “I don’t belong here” can become “It’s normal to feel nervous when you are trailblazing a path.”
4. Look to others who you see as “better” than you as teachers and models that can help you grow as an individual. No need for comparison. Being a student and teacher is absolutely necessary for growth. Recognize you are part of the change. Someone will see your success and feel they belong.
5. Allow for authenticity in our experiences. Feel the doubt and do the thing anyway. That is the most effective way to quiet the voice over time, keep building your database of stumbles and successes, so no one thing becomes what feels like the end of the world.
We all struggle with self-doubt at times. And, you cannot be an “imposter” if you take the mask off and show the real you, live and work openly expressing both the confidence and concern. Take on the challenges and listen closely to your inner voice; this is how we achieve our full potential.
Anthony Gonzalez, LCSW, QS
Alere Emotional Health LLC
